Stay home mom, age 42
This stay-home Mumma of two has been lucky enough to experience different types of birth in two very different countries and has some very insightful observations about both! Meet Alicia Tan, who shares with us some of her learnings about birth, mothering and some of the not-so-common stuff she has done – all in the name of being the best Mumma she can be!
Hi Alicia, it’s nice to meet you! Tell us about your kids.
Hello! I’m Mumma to Christian Say, aged 9 and Philippa Say, aged 6.
What has been the most memorable part of being a Mum to them so far?
I think I’m fortunate enough to be a stay-home mom which lets me witness all of my children’s important milestones! So all those moments have been memorable for me.
You’ve given birth outside of Singapore as well as in Singapore. Can you share with us what you’ve observed and experienced?
Pregnancy is viewed very differently in Denmark as compared to Singapore. In Denmark, being pregnant and giving birth is not managed by doctors but rather guided by midwives. No doctors are involved in the entire journey unless there is a medical test that needs to be performed by a Doctor or if there is a complication detected. This worked well for me; I had done some research and decided that hypnobirthing was how I wanted to give birth.
I also found the type of care in Denmark to be more personal; for example a nurse would make post-partum home visits to perform physical health checks on the baby and check on my mental health, how I was coping with breastfeeding etc. So for me, the advantage is that the whole process is very natural, not overly managed and medicated. This made me feel less anxious as a first time mom and gave me assurance that it was a natural process that is not to be feared.
In Singapore, the norm is to opt for a hospital birth for ‘safety’ reasons in case of unforeseen complications during birth. Because of my birth experience in Denmark, I had the confidence to decide on a home water-birth in Singapore! However, I think many mothers here are not aware of their right to choose how they give birth so they just go with whatever is presented to them.
Why did you choose hypnobirthing and how did you find the experience?
I was in Denmark pregnant with my first child and knew from the start that I wanted a more comfortable, anxious-free birth. I tried looking for a Doula in Copenhagen where we lived but couldn’t find one in the city. They were all located in the outskirts, hours away. I figured the next best thing to having a Doula by my birth side would be to equip myself with Hypnobirthing techniques.
I looked for Hypnobirthing classes around the city but again, no luck. Then, I found a program kit called Gentle Birth. There was a book and an instructional CD, so for months before the birth, I would diligently practice meditation and self-hypnosis daily until it became second nature.
The affirming words and breathing techniques I learnt kicked in easily when I was in labour and I was at ease and confident at my ability to birth my child. It helped me get into the ‘zone’; nothing could distract me. It helped me immensely in both birthing experiences. So Hypnobirthing is something I recommend to all my newly pregnant friends because I think it is the best gift a pregnant Mum can give herself!
Apart from hypnobirthing and having a home birth, what other less common birth or postpartum practices have you tried?
I think something I have done out of the norm (at least in Singapore) is to encapsulate and consume my own placenta!
This was an option suggested to me by my Singapore Doula. I did think it was gross, at first! But after doing some research and understanding the benefits, I decided to give it a go.
Consuming your own placenta is said to help with postpartum recovery. It must have worked because I was out grocery-shopping less than a week after giving birth! I was definitely much more energetic after my second birth than in my first. I can’t say for sure if it was the placenta pills but I think it might have helped in some way.
In your mothering life so far, what is the one product or service that you can’t live without and highly recommend?
An Ergo Baby carrier! I carried my kids a lot more than putting them in the stroller. While I hated the shoulder and backaches after hours of carrying them, I loved the flexibility and closeness of having them in a carrier versus a stroller.
What did you wish someone had told you before you became a Mother for the first time?
That it is not rosy all the time. That it is okay not to love your newborn immediately. And that it is okay to not like being a Mother all of the time. Some people are Mums by nature and some like me, grow into Mothering. Sometimes, we may hate it. But with the right support, we love the role we have much later. Whichever way it is for a Mum, it’s ok.
What are some of your go-to essentials as a mother in Singapore, surviving COVID-19?
Wine and more wine.
(Editor’s note: we approve of wine – in moderation.)
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